by Megan on April 24, 2008
:smacks forehead: When did I become a six-year-old girl? I hate you? Did I really say that?
I’m not the type of person who just throws around hate nonchalantly. I’ve made it a point to not use the word at all in my daily vocabulary–I prefer strongly dislike. Hate is such a strong word, and it cuts deep. However, the other night, I said it. And who was the unlucky one to receive my hatred? My fiance. I have never told him that I hated him, until that moment. I believe I even through a fucking in there to make it that much more powerful. I don’t even know what brought the word on. I just know that I was angry, but whatever it was, he definitely did not deserve to have that word thrown in his face.
He didn’t even bring it up until the next day; I tried to pretend like it didn’t happen. As if maybe I had imagined it up. But it did happen. I said it, and it’s stuck in my head. I know it hurt him, though he didn’t really say so. I can see it, though, and I feel as if I cut a big hole out of my heart. I apologized the next day, saying that I didn’t really mean it. What I meant to say was, Sometimes I want to hate you. Ek. Right. I was only digging my hole deeper. He shrugged it off, though. Well, I think he did. He hasn’t brought it up, but I know it’s stuck in the back of his mind, too.
If anyone knows of any way that I can rewind time, let me know.
by Megan on April 21, 2008
It’s Monday. It’s 12:24 in the afternoon, and I am in my pajamas. Hey, give me some credit–I took a shower this morning after waking up. It’s just one of those days. I plan to do much of nothing, and I’ll be comfy doing it. I may even get off the couch long enough to turn on the Nintendo 64 to become frustrated while playing Super Mario. That’s effort.
by Megan on April 19, 2008
I’m considering a change in major. I’ve just decided that, while I love children, teaching just isn’t for me. So what’s next on my list of hopeful career choices? The possibilities are endless! There’s…. and… uh. Okay, not so endless. So far, I’m debating on nursing.
Nursing has always been an option in the back of my mind. My Grandma is a nurse as well as one of my aunts, and another aunt is going to school for nursing. So, why not? Plus, whenever Granny was in and out of the hospital, I thought nursing would be such a rewarding (though, at times, emotionally draining) career, and I could help others that were in the same situation as those in my family. Not only that, but nurses get paid pretty decently, and it seems that I will have no trouble in finding a job, and that is always a plus when choosing a career.
I continue to weigh the pros and cons of nursing, though. I may receive good pay, and the job will definitely be a rewarding experience, BUT will I be willing to work those long hours away from my own children (when we have them someday)? Of course, I would only work a few days in a row at long hours, and I would have several consecutive days off where I could spend quite a bit of time with my family.
Needless to say, J has been supporting me in whatever decision I make career-wise. As long as we both make enough money to live comfortably, of course. His support has been a big help, though. Along with his approving smile, my family has been nothing but supportive; they’ve always been pushing me in the direction or nursing without really saying it.
If I had it my way, though, I’d be a journalist living in NYC. However, J is a small-town boy, and he would never go for moving to the Big Apple. I don’t mind so much. :sigh: Maybe in my next life? 
by Megan on April 19, 2008
One must ask herself why she stays up until 3:50am or later on nights that she is undeniably exhausted. I do not have the answers.
