I don’t really know what I’d consider “old.” I’m nineteen; my parents are thirty-eight and thirty-nine; my dad’s parents were in their late fifties when they passed away; my mom’s parents are in their fifties and sixties, respectively. I consider none of those ages old. There are some times, though, that I feel old–take last Friday, for instance. My seventeen-year-old sister graduated from high school.

My sister and I are exactly twenty-one months apart; she has always been only one grade below me, yet I feel so much older than her at times. When I watched her accept her diploma the other night, I had flashbacks to when I was doing the same thing–that was only a year ago. So many of my friends are saying, “It feels like it was just yesterday,” but to me, it feels like it was years ago. 

I graduated high school in May 2007, but I was done with high school long before that. Well, it felt that way. My senior year only consisted of going to class until noon (I only had four classes that year), and then I’d go to my full-time job from about one to nine. High school has nearly diminished from my life, and I even stopped “hanging out” with high school friends. My English teacher once told us that seniors tended to do that because it made the initial leaving part much easier. J had graduated two years before I, so we didn’t even talk about school often. I was done with high school. 

After my sister’s graduation the other night, she went to her boyfriend’s house for a grad party and to play Guitar Hero 2. I was sad. She was having fun, and I was being selfish because she wasn’t coming home to celebrate with her family. After my graduation, I hung out with my family, not friends. I didn’t really have friends anymore. She had friends, still. She was still in high school. I grew up too fast, while my sister was holding on to what childhood she had left. I felt completely disappointed at J and I drove back to my parent’s house to visit. I confided in him how I felt; I feel like I let my childhood leave me. I’m now stuck in this world of jobs and bills. At least, I feel that way. 

I’m glad I’m not a kid anymore, though I miss it at times; I know I’m still young, and I have a lot more life to live. I just want to keep reminding my siblings to live in their childhood as long as possible. Once it’s gone, it’s nearly impossible to get back. 

Our wedding is exactly five weeks from today, and the cold feet has somewhat diminished, though I’m still nervous. We’ve been doing a lot lately with planning. From tuxes to flowers (red roses with white stephanotis) to booking our honeymoon (at a bed & breakfast in Asheville, North Carolina) to final dress alterations. The details of wedding planning have been never-ending, but I know it will all be worth it.

Among all of the planning, we’ve had to participate in some pre-marriage counseling led by the preacher that will be marrying us. We’ve had two meetings thus far (and we only have one more to go), but apparently the preacher is very positive about our coming marriage. At our second meeting, we were going over some marriage goals that each of us have, and luckily, our goals are very similar, and I think that made our preacher very excited to be marrying us.

At the end of our meeting, he brought up some physical goals and intimacy. Josh went on to tell him that we are both virgins, never having sex with each other nor anyone before us. Usually, people become incredibly shocked by this fact, and this time was no different; however, he applauded us. I’m nineteen and J is twenty-one, so I guess being virgins at our age is very hard to come by. The biggest shock of all: we live together. We’ve lived together since last August. People who know us say “how do you not?” Honestly, I think it’s just because we never have before in the past. Though it’s not easy not to at times, we still don’t. We’re waiting until we’re married. It was never really a choice we made due to religion; it was just a personal choice. We knew that if we waited, we’d be rewarded in the end. We’re both incredibly proud of it all.