As I was lying awake, I had a moment. I needed to write.

Sometimes I wonder (to myself) why I push myself to grow up so quickly? I’m nineteen-years-old, and I don’t know what it is–cold feet, perhaps?–but I am overwhelmed with the realization that my wedding is in less than seven weeks. That’s forty-five days now. Since it’s now May, that makes my wedding… Next month! Whoa. I had to step back and think about that one more time. Next month? Yeah, next month. It’s a scary–no, terrifying–thought. Though people have been continuously asking if I’m nervous yet, the fact that the wedding was getting really close didn’t hit me. I kept asking myself, am I supposed to be nervous? I had no idea what I was really supposed to get nervous about. I was excited, yes, and maybe a little stressed, but “nervous” was an emotion I had yet to come in contact with. Until now, that is. Now, I feel this overwhelming feeling of nervousness. I’m not sure exactly why I’m nervous, but I know I am.

I just graduated high school a year ago, and I’m only a first-year college student. I have no idea what I want to do career-wise. I know I’m young, but I feel mature enough to take this huge step in my life. I may not know a lot, but I do know that I want to be with J for the rest of my life, and I want him there to help me make all the important decisions to come.

I just become afraid sometimes.