As I was lying awake, I had a moment. I needed to write.
Sometimes I wonder (to myself) why I push myself to grow up so quickly? I’m nineteen-years-old, and I don’t know what it is–cold feet, perhaps?–but I am overwhelmed with the realization that my wedding is in less than seven weeks. That’s forty-five days now. Since it’s now May, that makes my wedding… Next month! Whoa. I had to step back and think about that one more time. Next month? Yeah, next month. It’s a scary–no, terrifying–thought. Though people have been continuously asking if I’m nervous yet, the fact that the wedding was getting really close didn’t hit me. I kept asking myself, am I supposed to be nervous? I had no idea what I was really supposed to get nervous about. I was excited, yes, and maybe a little stressed, but “nervous” was an emotion I had yet to come in contact with. Until now, that is. Now, I feel this overwhelming feeling of nervousness. I’m not sure exactly why I’m nervous, but I know I am.
I just graduated high school a year ago, and I’m only a first-year college student. I have no idea what I want to do career-wise. I know I’m young, but I feel mature enough to take this huge step in my life. I may not know a lot, but I do know that I want to be with J for the rest of my life, and I want him there to help me make all the important decisions to come.
I just become afraid sometimes.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
the nerves will pass. a piece expressing fear lends itself to an amazing amount of bravery.
You should be afraid. That’s a good thing. Those who aren’t, aren’t taking marriage seriously enough. That’s not cold feet, that’s being a thinking person. And that is good.
whoa! 7 weeks? Well, first of all congratulations; if you’ve found “the One” then it really doesn’t matter how old you are/how old you feel.
and isn’t that what bravery is? being afraid and doing it anyways?
Wow… that is awesome that you found the person you want to be with at the age of 19!!