I don’t really know what I’d consider “old.” I’m nineteen; my parents are thirty-eight and thirty-nine; my dad’s parents were in their late fifties when they passed away; my mom’s parents are in their fifties and sixties, respectively. I consider none of those ages old. There are some times, though, that I feel old–take last Friday, for instance. My seventeen-year-old sister graduated from high school.
My sister and I are exactly twenty-one months apart; she has always been only one grade below me, yet I feel so much older than her at times. When I watched her accept her diploma the other night, I had flashbacks to when I was doing the same thing–that was only a year ago. So many of my friends are saying, “It feels like it was just yesterday,” but to me, it feels like it was years ago.
I graduated high school in May 2007, but I was done with high school long before that. Well, it felt that way. My senior year only consisted of going to class until noon (I only had four classes that year), and then I’d go to my full-time job from about one to nine. High school has nearly diminished from my life, and I even stopped “hanging out” with high school friends. My English teacher once told us that seniors tended to do that because it made the initial leaving part much easier. J had graduated two years before I, so we didn’t even talk about school often. I was done with high school.
After my sister’s graduation the other night, she went to her boyfriend’s house for a grad party and to play Guitar Hero 2. I was sad. She was having fun, and I was being selfish because she wasn’t coming home to celebrate with her family. After my graduation, I hung out with my family, not friends. I didn’t really have friends anymore. She had friends, still. She was still in high school. I grew up too fast, while my sister was holding on to what childhood she had left. I felt completely disappointed at J and I drove back to my parent’s house to visit. I confided in him how I felt; I feel like I let my childhood leave me. I’m now stuck in this world of jobs and bills. At least, I feel that way.
I’m glad I’m not a kid anymore, though I miss it at times; I know I’m still young, and I have a lot more life to live. I just want to keep reminding my siblings to live in their childhood as long as possible. Once it’s gone, it’s nearly impossible to get back.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
i remember wishing more than anything to not be a kid anymore. all i wanted was to be done with high school, to move out of my parents house. looking back, i miss those days. you’re right. you’ve got to cherish those childhood years.
I graduated a full year early, but came back to walk with my class at graduation. It was unbelievably surreal.
I also married young – 21. By then I had my undergrad, of course. I did everything at hyper-speed. Sometimes I wish I could go back, but…. most of the time not. Just some sort of nostalgic desire to live in the moment more often. But I guess I’ve got the rest of my life for that.
new to your blog — i discovered you through your indieblogger post that’s published today. i really loved what you wrote. consider me a reader!
sincerely,
the a.r.w.
I saw your post on IB today and was shocked to learn you’re only 19. You write extremely well for someone so young! And then I also learn that you are blogging about feeling old, HA!
I understand, and I would like to tell you the same thing though, and now I am the one feeling old. But seriously, do not let 19 be the age where you are having thoughts about feeling old. Purge them from your mind immediately, because I would kill to be as smart and young as you again. Life doesn’t get easier for most of us, but hold onto your youth while you can and it may possibly stick with you in some way down the road.