Disclaimer: This post is just my opinion. I am not looking to offend anyone or their beliefs, religious or otherwise. If I do so, I apologize in advance; just know that it was not intentional.

I sometimes have trouble answering the question, “do you believe in God?” Well, yes. I do. Not in the Christian way, though. Let me back up.

I’ve always believed in God. One God–the Christian God. When I was younger, my parents never made me go to church, and I think that is why I tend to be more open-minded about religion. I chose to go to church. My family was/is Baptist, but I went to a Methodist church, not trying to focus on denominations but because I liked the people that went there. I don’t remember when I stopped going, but I did. I was young then, in elementary school. I didn’t go back to church (except on occasion) until I was in high school, while dating Ryan (the boy I dated before meeting Josh). He had a Christian upbringing, and since I was now living in the Bible Belt, I felt obligated to go to church. Honestly, a girl I went to school with asked me what church I went to (when she first met me), and I said, “I don’t go to church.” She was incredibly shocked by my answer, and I felt that my beliefs weren’t good enough. So, I started to go to church on Wednesday nights. Well, not really “church,” but a youth group called Planet. It was a truly comforting place, with couches all around and a band that played up front. I only went a few times while dating Ryan.

When I came back from Florida, and after Ryan stopped talking to me, I started going back to Planet (yes, he still went there, but we really didn’t talk after that). I went because I needed God/faith in my life. I had no idea who I was anymore. Planet was truly a life-changing experience for me, and I will never regret going. I even went to church on Sundays, but it wasn’t the same as Planet. Eventually, the youth pastor moved on, and after that, I stopped going. It just wasn’t the same, and everyone was growing up. Younger kids were now coming, and I felt I had outgrown the youth group. I went to church several times after that (on Sunday) but eventually, I stopped going altogether.

Josh and I were married in the church he grew up going to. So, you see, he also had a Christian upbringing. However, he is a much different person now. He has a hard time believing in anything (Allie, you may understand why after the comment I left you)–he even had a hard time believing in our love at one point in the past. As a wife, I support whatever he believes in. I remember when I went to Planet, a woman there knew how I felt about Josh. She knew that he didn’t have a Christian belief in God, and she asked, “Can you be in a relationship with someone when you know that you’ll be going to heaven and he’ll be going to hell?” I felt angry with her for even asking that, though I know that is just what she believes. I honestly had no way of answering her.

I’ve always had a difficult time believing in God. Yes, I do believe in a higher being. However, I don’t believe in the Christian God, I suppose. Christians have always, to me, personified God too much. They seem to give God human characteristics. That is okay, for that is their belief. In my case, though, I believe God is bigger than any human. I believe that “God” cannot walk beside me, for everything is God. The trees, the sky, the earth, my very own breath. I believe that everyone has their own personal god. Whether you pray to your god or dream to your god or write to your god…

Josh and I were discussing this today, and even then, I couldn’t get the words out right. I couldn’t describe it perfectly. It is no different here. I have faith. I still don’t know if I believe in the Christian heaven and hell. There are a lot of things I am unsure of. I just know that it is impossible to say God is not real–just like it is impossible to say God is real. We all have our beliefs. I don’t know how the earth was created–no one really knows aside from whoever or whatever created it. And that’s the cool/interesting thing about life. Nobody really knows. All we can do is believe.

…And remember to continue believing what you believe. Don’t let anyone’s opinion change it.