From the monthly archives:

November 2008

Fragile, Human

by Megan on November 26, 2008

Every person has a different grieving process; I am one of those people. Here I am, fighting off tears that are inevitable, trying to be less of an emotional wreck than I am.

It’s been over four years since Granny passed away and nearly that long since Pawpaw. I would not exist without them, yet here I am, existing without them. I can’t say it gets easier every year. It’s one of those things that are kept filed away in the back of your mind and only brought up on special occasions. It’s like a stab in the heart–and really, anywhere else that can produce hurt–especially around this time.

Thanksgiving was once my favorite holiday. I still tell people that it is, but that’s a lie. The thing is: that “happy” smile I put on my face during the holidays? That’s a lie, too. The truth is, I don’t have a favorite holiday anymore. How can any holiday be a favorite when you’re just missing the whole time? Thanksgiving was once the most meaningful. I’d get together with Granny, and we’d make stuffing or dressing or whatever you like to call it. We’d make a huge thing of it. I was most happy then. Even though Thanksgiving is a time of stress, Granny made it seem alright. She gave it purpose. When she was gone, that first Thanksgiving felt empty. I stopped making the stuffing/dressing. I tried one year, but it just wasn’t right. It will never be right because, you see, it’s not a specific edible ingredient that is missing. It’s the fact that I could make it with her, my granny.

Now, I put on my “happy” face and try to love Thanksgiving as much as I used to. Before, it wasn’t so bad. My family understood why I cried while I ate my turkey or why I wouldn’t make the stuffing/dressing. This year is different. I’m married. My family is in Florida, and I am here with people who might not quite get it. I can’t cry. I can’t stay hidden in my room until the last possible second–which is what I’d like to do. I have to put on my “happy” face and mean it, otherwise someone might see through it.

Honestly, what I’d like to do is crawl into a hole and sleep until the holidays are over. That way, I won’t have to think about what I miss.

{ 4 comments }

Twilight: A Movie Review

by Megan on November 21, 2008

Warning: some spoilers in this, so don’t read if you haven’t watched the movie, unless you want to know details. Also, this might be a little all over the place… I’m writing things as I think of them.

Okay, we all knew this was coming. I’m one of those “twilighters” or “fanpires.” Whatever.

Twilight is based on the book by Stephenie Meyer. While not the most original storyline (vampire falls in love with mortal), Meyer is a talented writer who does not disappoint. The movie, however? Did it live up to its hype? In my opinion, not completely.

While I knew that quite a few scenes would be cut from the movie–the book is nearly five hundred pages long, so that’s expected–there were a few things added that I thought the movie could have done without. A few corny things. I’m glad Catherine Hardwicke (director) stuck to the book for the most part. A lot of movies don’t do that. Anyway, the corny things? Like when Tyler runs up and kisses Bella on the cheek in the cafeteria. What was that?! I also didn’t like the fact that Bella first saw Jacob at the beginning, rather than the first time being at the beach. There were more, I just can’t think of them right now.

I did like that Charlie seemed more developed in the movie. He seemed way too laid back in the book, but in the movie, they brought out the humorous side. I liked that. I also think that the vampire actors played their parts really well. Especially Robert Pattinson (Edward). He was the perfect Edward. He was mysterious and sad, until he met Bella, and he then turned playful in some parts. And Kristen Stewart (Bella)? Well, I’ve loved her since the movie Speak (which happens to be based on another book I like).

Josh went with me to the movie, and he had very low expectations for it. He said it was better than he thought it would be, though. So that’s good. However, if I hadn’t explained the books to him while I was reading them, I don’t know that he would have understood a few things in the movie. Basically, if you have not read the book, the movie will just suck, probably. There were so many things that only Twilight fans would get. It didn’t go into enough detail, really. The book has all the details, and the movie just seems to put the book into a physical form minus a lot of details. Sadly.

The movie was fast-paced. It moved from one scene to the next so quickly (again, I suppose that expected when trying to fit a 500-page book into two hours). It was actually hard to watch because I was just waiting for this to happen and for that to happen… wondering which scenes would be in it and which scenes wouldn’t. I may have to watch it again so that I can actually enjoy the movie more.

My favorite scenes? The kiss scene, for one. Although, I think they went a little too far (the whole idea in the book was that Edward had to control himself so he wouldn’t kill Bella, and it went a little farther than I expected). It was a pretty… powerful scene, though. The chemistry was definitely evident between Pattinson and Stewart. I also enjoyed the meadow scene, although it jumped right into it. I expected it to more drawn out, like in the book… since it was a very important part. And the sparkle? It wasn’t that bad. It actually looked okay.

The movie had a very Indie feel to it–I guess that’s expected with a $35 million budget–and at first, I didn’t like it. As the movie progressed, however, I began to like it even more. Hopefully they’ll make the money they want for the next movie, so that it’s not so low budget. This movie had the potential to be A+ to Twilighters and non-Twilighters alike, but with a low budget and Summit Entertainment (who has only done a handful of movies–all of which SUCKED at the box office), it wasn’t the best.

My overall grade for the movie: B. It’s not as good as the book, but it’s not bad either. The acting isn’t bad (for the most part; I thought Bella’s friends at school were way corny and trying too hard). I enjoyed the scenes that were put in the movie. I would see it again, and I plan to buy it when it’s out on DVD. I also look forward to a second movie. So, overall, it was good. Not great/fantastic, but good enough.

If you’ve seen it, what do you think?

P.S. I’m also annoyed with Jasper. They really didn’t go into enough detail about his abilities to calm people, and he looked very scared the entire time. I know he’s the newest vampire and tries his hardest not to kill Bella, but he looked constipated.

{ 4 comments }

J.

by Megan on November 19, 2008

Idea is this: GirlJordyn gave me a letter. J. Ten things in my life that start with J. Or just ten things I can think of that start with J.

1. Josh. Of course I’d start out with my husband. He’s my best friend, my love. We’ve been through a lot, and we have so much more to go through. I’m lucky we got married so young–now I’ll have someone’s hand to hold through all of the tough times.
2. Jealousy. I’m not usually jealous, but when it comes to certain things, I can be. My husband for instance. I get jealous whenever I don’t have his full attention. It’s selfish, really, but I like to have his approval.
3. Jacob. Team Edward, all the way. Okay, seriously. Jacob is a good character, but I prefer Edward. Mysterious, tall, mature, old-fashioned Edward. And that crooked smile. Plus, werewolves are hairy.
4. Jango. I like music. Always have. My most favorites (now) are Sigur Ros, Ingrid Michaelson, Iron & Wine, Alanis Morissette, the Beatles, Between the Buried and Me, the Bird and the Bee, the Smiths, Explosions in the Sky, Eisley, Blonde Redhead. Just to name a few.
5. Jam/Jelly. What do you call it? Apparently, there’s a difference. I call it “jelly,” regardless. However, I don’t really like jelly, unless it’s strawberry. Grape and I don’t get along.
6. Jessa. One of my best girl friends. She just gets me. We are both married; she’s twenty and has an almost one-year-old daughter, Jaslene. We are opposite, yet so much alike.
7. Jenga. You know the game. The one where you stack blocks on top of each other to make a tower; then you have to pull the blocks out without making the tower fall. Yeah. I like that game.
8. June. The month I was married in. A hot month, though not the hottest of the year. June is also Johnny Cash’s wife. Which reminds me of that movie Walk the Line. Reese Witherspoon is one of my favorite actresses. She’s classy.
9. Jingle. Bells, of course! Christmas is coming. It’s my second favorite holiday–Thanksgiving being my first. I usually just have Christmas with my family, but last year, I had it with Josh’s family too. I think I received more gifts than Josh did from his own family.
10. Juxtaposition. Because it’s hard to think of words with the letter J, and what’s a list about the letter J without the word “juxtaposition”?

Want a letter? Just ask.

{ 1 comment }

I love you

by Megan on November 18, 2008

October 13, 2006 — age seventeen
(part of a look at the past)

forever. it’s not that unpleasant, is it? maybe so, maybe. oh honey, i love your curls. and we can’t forget that smile.

i want to touch your hands. i’ve realized something: i’ve always had a fascination with your hands. long, skinny fingers. musician’s fingers, yes. beautiful. though, i’ve never touched them. have i? no, i believe i would’ve remembered those hands.

and your face. with your beautifully scarred nose and constantly-changing eyes. oh, those eyes. i can’t help but get lost in them.

remember the first time i hugged you. your graduation. i felt something. i cried that night, wanting more. since that moment, nearly two years ago, i have hugged you less than twenty times, i’m sure. each time, i never wanted to let go because i felt safe. safe, love. warmth.

and remember that time in the car. the night before your nineteenth birthday, when she and i took you to dinner at that italian place. you chose italian because you know how it’s my favorite. and we shared smiles and jokes and laughs all night long, feeling as if we were the only two in the world. and on the way home, you sitting in the backseat behind me, while she drove. i photographed your face, your smile. you leaned against the seat, quiet. we were both quiet. i could feel it. you told me the next day that you could, too. before, i knew i loved you, but that’s when i knew.

and a few weeks ago when i laid on your bed, facing the television, but not paying any attention to that at all. you were laying behind me, and you twirled my hair around your fingers. i wanted to stay in that moment forever.

to hear your voice on the other end of the telephone. i can hear your smile.

i love you.

{ 1 comment }

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