January 2009

As I mentioned in my previous post, I’ve been feeling as if my job at the hotel is depressing me/keeping me from moving forward. Well, that is all about to change come Monday morning…

Several months ago, Josh’s aunt asked for my resume. She works in hiring for a big company in east Tennessee–TVA–and she was trying to get me a job in an office somewhere. I ended up not getting the job, but she kept my resume for future job openings. Today, while I was asleep (since I worked last night), she text Josh asking if she could put my resume in for another job opening. I was half-asleep, and thinking “what the heck?” so I let her submit it. A few hours later, I received a call. A man asked if I’d be interested in an office position doing scheduling. He also told me I’d be making $15/hr (which is twice as much as what I make now) with a 401k and five days sick leave. The catch? The job is only an eight-week position. However, there is the possibility of transferring to another area after the eight weeks are up. How could I say no to such a great opportunity? Even if, after eight weeks, I’m not able to transfer, at least the job will look good on my resume, and the money will help me save of for school. I feel like this opportunity couldn’t have came at a more perfect time.

I start Monday at 7am. I’m still unsure of how I’ll wake up so early after I’ve been working third shift for about six months now, but I can do it. I’m off Friday-Sunday this weekend, so I’ll have time to get used to a new sleep schedule. From what I’ve been told, this job is exactly what I’ve been wanting. I’ll be able to dress nice while working in an office environment, and I’ll have normal hours and a great amount of pay.

Maybe this was the push I needed?

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I have been feeling far from myself lately. I feel sick, literally, and I’ve been getting upset too easily. Unfortunately, Josh has had to suffer through my mood swings, and I feel terrible after each time I cry over nothing. I’m not sure where the sudden emotion is coming from. I’m an emotional person to begin with, but this is too much.

I feel as if my job is depressing me–not in the sense that it makes me sad, but in the sense that it is literally depressing me, or pushing me down. With this job, I feel like I’m not going up. I’m in one spot, and I cannot move. I dwell on it, and it just gives me a headache. Working nights is lonely, too. Every one is asleep (except some online friends), and I go hours without talking to a single person. Then, I go home and fall asleep next to my husband, but by the time I wake up, I’m alone because he woke up hours before. I go to bed before the sun rises (if the first shift girl is on time, which is hardly ever), and I wake up while the sun is setting–winter days are just too short. No matter how much sleep I get, I feel tired–well, exhausted is more like it. I can’t write well; I’m not reading well. I just feel as if I’m in this ‘bleh’ state of being.

I still plan to go back to school this summer, but it just seems so far away. The economy is horrible, and it’s nearly impossible for Josh to find a job. I try to remain optimistic about everything, and I know things will go back up eventually; it just seems to be taking a long while to get there.

Sometimes I feel so completely invincible, as if I could go on in life without a care in the world. Of course, then I wake up and realize that I’m only human. It’s okay to be sad sometimes.

I just need a push–or maybe a shove?–back up.

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