I have been feeling far from myself lately. I feel sick, literally, and I’ve been getting upset too easily. Unfortunately, Josh has had to suffer through my mood swings, and I feel terrible after each time I cry over nothing. I’m not sure where the sudden emotion is coming from. I’m an emotional person to begin with, but this is too much.

I feel as if my job is depressing me–not in the sense that it makes me sad, but in the sense that it is literally depressing me, or pushing me down. With this job, I feel like I’m not going up. I’m in one spot, and I cannot move. I dwell on it, and it just gives me a headache. Working nights is lonely, too. Every one is asleep (except some online friends), and I go hours without talking to a single person. Then, I go home and fall asleep next to my husband, but by the time I wake up, I’m alone because he woke up hours before. I go to bed before the sun rises (if the first shift girl is on time, which is hardly ever), and I wake up while the sun is setting–winter days are just too short. No matter how much sleep I get, I feel tired–well, exhausted is more like it. I can’t write well; I’m not reading well. I just feel as if I’m in this ‘bleh’ state of being.

I still plan to go back to school this summer, but it just seems so far away. The economy is horrible, and it’s nearly impossible for Josh to find a job. I try to remain optimistic about everything, and I know things will go back up eventually; it just seems to be taking a long while to get there.

Sometimes I feel so completely invincible, as if I could go on in life without a care in the world. Of course, then I wake up and realize that I’m only human. It’s okay to be sad sometimes.

I just need a push–or maybe a shove?–back up.