by Megan on September 30, 2009
I am eight. I’m running through the yard, my feet kicking Florida sand up behind me. I dart through the gardenia bushes, the smell surrounding me. I take it in. I’m not me; I’m channeling my inner Native American. Pocahontas, if you will. I run barefoot over sticks and leaves and rocks, through the afternoon sunshine. I hide behind the trees, singing. I pretend I am in another land, someone else.
I am twelve. I sit in front of the television, watching endlessly. I talk back to my parents. I roll my eyes and wear makeup. I look at boys, and I gossip about girls. I walk by the gardenia bushes, forgetting their beautiful smell. I ignore the trees, calling for me. I want to grow up.
I am sixteen. I write poetry. I lose faith in God; I gain my faith back. I long for the future. I don’t walk by the gardenia bushes because they don’t seem to grow anymore. I’ve forgotten the voice of the trees. Granny is dead. Pawpaw dies. I feel like I face the day alone. I wish the future would come.
I am twenty. I work full-time. I study when the time is free. I wake up in my own house. There are no gardenia bushes outside and no time to listen to the trees. The Florida sand is long gone, and so is the house that I grew up around. We’re all in the future–the future we wished would come quickly.
I wish I were eight.
[part of a look at the past]
by Megan on September 29, 2009
[inspired by Courtney]
I’m a wife. I’m a mother to Loki. I’m a sister to two amazing people. I’m a daughter to the best parents a girl could ask for.
I’m a full-time worker (and I prefer it that way). I’m a spender, but I know how to save. I’m in love with evenings. I’m learning to love mornings.
I’m a student. I want to be a counselor. I want to help children going through a death in the family and/or divorce of their parents. I want to be their shoulder to cry on or their smile to laugh with. I want to be a helping hand. I also want to be a journalist/photographer.
I’m 5’1″. I have a face full of freckles, and I don’t mind them so much anymore. I’ve never dyed my hair; it’s a natural brown with natural red highlights here and there. I have blue eyes (from my Dad and Granny). I bite my fingernails when I’m nervous/when I have nothing to do.
I could eat pasta every day of the week. And chicken. I hate the way chicken looks uncooked, though.
I want children someday. A boy and a girl, perhaps. I want them to look like Husband, with his beautiful brown hair and ever-changing eyes. I love the names Aisley (for a girl) and Greyson (for a boy).
I want to grow, love, learn, fight (passionately), smile, live.
Who are you?
by Megan on September 28, 2009
The office is extremely quiet right now; I can hear the mum of a radio in the background. The sun fell behind the mountain about an hour ago, and I’m sitting in the quiet, staring at the clock on my computer screen. I’m not sure anyone even knows I’m here, tucked back in my corner cubicle. I’m at work, though it’s 8:44 p.m. I started my evening shift this week, but I’m already looking forward to going back to my regular shift next week.
There is something depressing about the evening shift. Usually by now, I’m cuddled up next to Husband on the couch, watching Gilmore Girls. However, I’m at work, and he’s at home, awaiting my arrival. It’s odd to say this, but I don’t really miss him during the day. (I mean, I miss him when I’m not with him, but I can get through the day without seeing him.) This night thing, though? Even though I’ll be home shortly after 11:00 p.m., I miss him terribly right now. I’m pretty sure he misses me, too, since he text saying Loki misses me.
So far, I’ve done anything to pass the time. I finished my required work for the day by 6:00 p.m., so I’ve been looking at school work since. Unfortunately, I’ve almost completed everything that is due within the next two weeks (aside from an English paper in which I’m feeling none too inspired to write).
Mostly, though I love my job, I’m looking forward to this outage ending (in a few weeks, if all goes as planned). Tonight, though? I’m waiting for my clock to say 10:45 p.m. so that I can (quickly) walk through the dark pathway to my car and head toward home and Husband’s welcoming arms.
by Megan on September 25, 2009
I am so glad the weekend is nearly here. This week was the first week of the outage at work, and though I’ve worked my normal hours (7:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m.), I’ve been somewhat stressed. I have a couple papers to write (history and English), a test to take, some assignments to finsish, and discussions to participate in. It’s really not a lot, but I become anxious being at work all day when I know have things to get done.
Next week, I’ll be working a different shift (3:00 p.m. to 11:00 p.m), and even though I would rather be at home during the evenings, I’m looking forward to sleeping in an extra hour or two. Not only that, but I think I work better in the mornings with school things.
After the outage (which should be over in less than a month, but they have been known to last longer), the company I work for is losing their contract with the place I work at. So. That means they’ll either transfer me to a new contractor here, or I’ll be on the search for a new job. I’m hoping it’s the former, obviously. I hate not knowing 100%, but I’m trying not to let stress overwhelm me, so I’m remaining optimistic.
In other news, we took Loki to the vet yesterday for the first time. He seemed a little stressed out, but they gave him two shots, and then we got him home quickly to relax. I was feeling anxious for him! He also has ear mites (poor baby!), but they gave us medicine that should clear it up in about a week.
Also, I’m so very glad that Grey’s Anatomy is back on. It’s the only show I watch regularly, so I’ve missed that little break from reality.
How has your week been?
P.S. I attempted a vlog the other day, but I feel really awkward talking to my computer screen. Any tips? (I even thought about getting Husband to vlog with me a la KylaRoma, but we all know that won’t happen. He just doesn’t “get” blogging.)
