As I was thinking of what to blog about this morning, I realized that I sort of forgot how to write about my life. I have random ideas of what I’d like to write down, but they remain ideas. I can’t fully convey them in a written–or typed–way anymore. Is it my lack of patience or my inability to focus on anything BUT research papers. Sometimes I’d like it if my life came with an encyclopedia that I could cite. Of course, that’s not happening, so I must take the time out to actually focus and contemplate my life. Writing has always been therapeutic for me, and I don’t want it to become a “must-do” task, but sometimes, I have to force it upon myself to free up the tension between it and I.
I think it’s about time I start taking control of my life. Honestly, so far, I’ve let life control me a little. It’s easier that way. Things just fall into place sometimes, and it’s nice not having to make decisions. When I felt myself getting stressed last week over what to make for dinner, though, I knew it was time to reevaluate. Deciding what to make for dinner should not make me want to curl up on my couch eating chocolate ice cream while crying and watching Sex and the City. It shouldn’t upset me that much.
When I was fifteen, I had a “plan” for my life–married by age twenty-one(check), finished with school by age twenty-three (not going to happen), buy a house and have a baby and an awesome career by age twenty-five (yeah, right). As we all know, plans usually don’t work out. Why, though? What happens in between? Life, of course … But when do we stop controlling how our life pans out? When do we lose the grip we have on all of those big plans?
While I’m okay with not receiving my Bachelor’s degree until I’m probably twenty-five, I’m sometimes not okay with the fact that I may be nearly thirty by the time we’re ready to start a family. I told Husband the other day that I’d rather just get my Bachelor’s degree, have a baby, and go back to school for my Master’s when the baby is old enough to start school. (To do what I want to do, I need my Master’s.) Is that realistic, though? Is it idiotic to have a “plan,” even though I know it probably won’t pan out exactly in the way I want it to? There’s a time in everyone’s life in which we must allow life to take control, allowing the chips to fall where they may … But when is the appropriate time to take back the reigns and steer life the way you want it to go?
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I just had a conversation with my girlfriend Saturday night over dinner. Basically neither she nor I really know what we want to do. We both have good, steady jobs, but they aren’t particularly inspiring.
I see a lot of 20-somethings getting frustrated that they aren’t where they want to be. I completely understand!
I read the quote- “Go confidently in the directions of your dreams. Live the life you have imagined,” (Thoreau) and think- Yes! That’s what I want to do, but it’s the “how” that I get caught up in.
So I’ve decided to write out a list of my perfect life, and decide what can I change today. I might not be able to quit my job, but can I change my attitude? yes. Hopefully, by taking a lot of little steps each day I will wake up one morning and realize I’m living that perfect life.
Thanks for the thought-provoking post.
I think plans are reasonable. I used to have a plan – but now? Gone.
The only plan I’ve got is to 1) shorten my commute soon. 2) Have kids before I’m 30 – though I won’t have kids unless I’m in a good place (happy with life).
I love feeling like I have a direction that I’m heading in, but I always feel like my plans are a little arbitrary- like things will come up and derail them or turn them around, you know?
But I think your plan sounds great! If you know you want to start a family right away and wait for school until later, as long as you can have good work in between then that sounds great!
I have a pretty clear idea of what direction my life is heading in, but plans always change on us right? Thanks to that little thing called life! I defiinitely didn’t “plan” to be in a long-distance relationship for this long. But it is what it is I suppose.
At 17 or 18, I seriously thought I had my life planned out as well. surprise! things aren’t going totally as *I* planned…and it sucks.
but I think it all comes down to accepting the fact that things aren’t always going to go as planned (which is a lesson I need to continuously work on)
I wish I had a plan! I hate not having a job and sitting home all day. It almost feels like I am wasting money getting a degree right now because I don’t have a job gah!
I know more than anyone life doesn’t go as planned. You just have to roll with it and hope that something good comes along, I guess.
Having a plan–one that you’re really excited about–gives you such a huge push forward, but you may not get there as fast or as easily as you wanted, and you may find as you’re walking that you need to change directions. I’m doing tons of things right now that I love and I didn’t plan any of them out exactly, but I kept pushing forward and ran right into them. I think it’s so much easier to figure out what you want while you’re doing something, instead of waiting for things to find you. It’s in my nature to play it safe, but the best things have come from just going ahead even with my doubts.
Good luck! You’re already working toward the things you want.
You’re lucky you have a plan because you know what you want. Some people don’t. I love thinking ahead and planning ahead. I have the baby fever and I’m trying so hard to wait a little bit longer.
I had one of those life plans some years ago, but then I changed my mind on one of them (which was ok because it wasn’t going to happen anyway) and then later thought I’d reached another part of it but discovered I was wrong. Now in my 20′s I’m thinking, whoa, got to get back on it, so I’ve formalised what I want to do, I just need the confidence to go for it. I often think we could do with a few more hundred years life span.
You are SO RIGHT! LIFE fucking happens and it’s shitty! Some people say that we should enjoy the “in between” or the journey but I can only enjoy it if it’s taking me where I want and need to be going! This? Not enjoying it as much as I would be if I knew I was going to accomplish what I set out to accomplish.
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