This post was previously password-protected, but it can be public now. Also, my sister does know about this post. I am not posting this information without her knowing it is being posted.
My sister and I have always been opposites. She is tall while I am not. She has light hair while mine is darker. (Though her hair has darkened over the years, as mine is becoming lighter. I figure we’ll meet somewhere in the middle.) She is extroverted while I am introverted. She isn’t afraid to wear bright colors and patterns while I stick to solids and muted tones. I’ve even wondered if we’d be friends if we weren’t sisters. As different as we are, though, we have become best friends in the almost-two decades that we have known each other. We are exactly twenty-one months apart (she is younger), and though we haven’t always considered ourselves “friends,” we were always there for one another, and we now consider ourselves “best friends.”
That’s why it’s breaking my heart that she has moved seven hours from me. It’s breaking my heart because she is nearly six weeks pregnant, and I will not be able to see her grow. It’s breaking my heart that she’s choosing to live with a boy she barely knows over staying here where she knows she would be taken care of.
It’s a difficult situation.
I’ve always given my sister advice. She hasn’t always taken it, but I’ve always given it to her. That’s what sisters/best friends are for, right? Even when reality was harsh, I would deal it out. I would risk her being mad at me to try to help her from making a mistake. Though I’ve always done whatever I could to stop her from making mistakes, she would make them anyway. She would learn from them, though. I’ve always known that it was my job to give her advice, even if I knew she had to make the mistake to learn from it.
So, it wasn’t any different when I attempted to give her advice this time. I told her she didn’t have to marry that boy–the boy I have yet to meet, and the boy she has only known for a month or two. I told her she could stay here and we would help her out. I told her she didn’t have to move to North Carolina just because he didn’t want to live here.
She didn’t take my advice, of course. I didn’t expect her to, really. I hoped she would, but I knew that it was her choice in the long run.
I want her here for mostly selfish reasons, I know. I want my best friend, my sister, to be here. I want to watch her grow and change as she is growing a little baby inside of her.
My sister is nearly twenty-years-old. I know that, at some point, I have to let her go. It’s a part of growing up. It may sound dramatic, but it nearly feels like a break-up. Worse than any break-up, actually. She and I have been in this relationship of sisterhood for nearly twenty years, and now it is closing a chapter. It’s not over, but it’s not the same.
We are no longer growing up together; instead, we are growing up apart. That’s what is breaking my heart.
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh Megan, I’m so sorry. Here’s what I can tell you- my little sister has chosen to move away as well, but for different reasons. She was studying abroad in Israel where she fell in love and found a place that made her happy. I remember when I found out she would be moving- it broke my heart. I couldn’t stop crying. What was hardest for me is that I wanted her to be happy, to do what she wanted to do for herself, but I also wanted her to stay…for me.
Letting go is hard, but you just have to remember that she’s not leaving because she doesn’t love you, she’s doing what she thinks is right.
I’m sorry you’re hurting right now, but I promise it will get better…
Sweetie, this doesn’t sound dramatic at all, this sounds really incredibly hard. She’s so young, and if my sister was in this situation I don’t know what I would do.
I think just keep making an effort to stay in touch, and know that once you’ve given your advice or opinion it’s okay to then be there as her support. It sounds like it could be a really scary situation for her too, and knowing that you have her back might help her to open up <3
That would break my heart too, I would HATE to have a niece or mephew on the way and not feel like I was a part of that life. I promise as well that it will get better. You will be the coolest aunt ever!
*nephew
Don’t feel because your sister is moving away means that you and your sister are growing apart. Ever since I moved out from home, I’ve been closer to my family.
She will still come to you. You will still be her best friend. She will look to you for advice.
Oh you poor thing, I would be devastated about it too! But you know, if things don’t work out (not that I’m wishing they won’t of course!) for your sister, you guys will always have each other – and the move doesn’t always have to be permanent. You’re her big sister! She’ll need you, no matter how far away she moves. *big hugs*
Oh Megan, this sounds like an incredibly difficult situation. I have a younger sister as well, and I know it can be heartbreaking when we have to let them grow up and make their own decisions (especially when we wouldn’t choose the same path). I agree with Phampants- when I moved (physically) away from my family, it made me want to be (emotionally) closer to them. I called more often and shared more details about my life. I think the time I spent away was when my relationship with my sister became the strongest. Hopefully you and your sister can continue to be best friends and keep growing together. *hugs*
I think it’s good that you tell her what you think, because you have to know that you did all you could. As long as it’s done in a loving manner, I think she will appreciate it later on.
I would be devastated if my brothers decided to move out of town, and we’re nowhere near that close. I’m so sorry, that’s got to be so emotional.
I understand how your heart is breaking, because I too have a younger sister who’s also growing up. She’s turning 21 this year while I’m turning 23. We are both very opposite and yet, like you and your sister, best friends. I often wonder if that’s just how it is when sisters are so close?
I feel like ever since I entered college, we’ve been growing apart. I can’t count the nights where I suddenly miss her and feel a hole in my heart. That usually leads to lots of crying. We’ve been lucky to stay near each other, but I’m sure that that will eventually change. That day will break my heart like nothing I’ve ever known.
When I read your post, I honestly felt like it was something I would write. I think the only bit of advice I can give here, as an advice giver, is to tell you to keep in touch every way possible. Write her letters, emails, and call her as much as possible. Maybe she can send you photos and letters about her pregnancy? Letters are slow, but something you can keep for years. It’s something personal.
I’m not sure there is any more I can say, but I feel your pain. I hope that you both are able to stay in touch as much as possible. Sorry if the comment sounded like I made your post about me, I just wanted to share a little. Because being an older sister is one of the best gifts that I was ever given in this life.
I am so sorry, Megan. I wish I had good advice—while my brother hasn’t moved away, he and I grow further and further apart the longer he’s engaged to his fiance. It’s difficult to watch change in the people you love. Hang in there.
I’m so sorry. What a difficult situation. Women are so vulnerable at that young age… I know I’m not much older but I’ve seen it when girls around that age get a boyfriend and fall in love and make bad decisions. I’m sorry you have to watch her make this decision because I know it must be hard for you.
She’ll need you again in a few years and I’m sure you’ll be there so at least you’ll always have her.
Good luck. Thinking of you. XO
Wow that is so tough. I understand why you would want her to stay near you (and not just for the selfish reasons you are thinking). It is going to be hard for her to raise this baby with him alone. It would be so much easier if friends and family were nearby.
I really hope thinks work out well for her.
I’m sorry to hear how hard this for you. But it sounds like your heart is in the right place…and whether it works out with this guy or not…you’ll be there to give your sister the support she needs. And that’s what matters most!
My heart breaks for you because I’m going through a similar situation with my younger sister as well too. It seems like it was just easier & more fun when we all lived together as a family but now it’s kind of hard to accept changes as we grow apart because we marry into bigger families, etc.
I hope the next chapter will be somewhat better for you two both. It’s nice you offered your support and I’m sure she will take up on that in a heartbeat if she needs to.
Oh, Megan. I can’t imagine how tough this must be; it sounds like it may not be so much the distance or the fear of growing apart but the worry you have for her regarding the decision she has made (which I can understand) to move away with a guy she hardly knows.
I have a feeling that in time she will realize that she still needs you, more than ever, as she becomes a mother and a wife.
You are a beautiful person for caring and for wanting only the best for her.
Being an older sister is a tricky balance between being a friend and being a parent of sorts.
You want her to trust you and be your friend, but you also want to help her see what’s best for her. Sometimes, those two can conflict – when you’re telling your sister something she doesn’t want to hear. Or swallowing what you really think in order to maintain the friendship.
I have three younger sisters, and I still haven’t figured this out…
I’m sorry Megan. I know that my siblings have the ability to break my heart worse than anyone. I hope you can take comfort in the fact that even though things are changing, you’re still sisters and that means you’ll have each other forever. I live far from my siblings and we only seem to get further away, but whenever we’re together, it’s like no time has passed. Doesn’t make it easier right now, though, I’m sure.
This post is heartbreaking – but I also hope you can see the potential in it. Yours sister’s decisions now do not necessarily dictate her decisions for the rest of her life; people who grow apart can always grow back together, particularly when they’re related. Perhaps you will miss the beginnings of her child’s life – her growth, the child’s birth, etcetera… but who knows what will come? How she’ll feel later? What she’ll want?
For now, all I can say is that you have to adjust to a new normal, no matter how much it hurts – & remain open to the hope of future reconcile, even if it’s in a different form that you’d originally wanted.
This is very sad, but I agree with some of the other commenters – having that distance doesn’t have to mean you’re growing apart, it may be the thing that makes you grow closer, and the thing that makes her realise she needs you.
I have a little sister too, and that line between trying to be her confidant and not being hurt by the things she shares about her life is such a fine one. She’s only 16, so thankfully we haven’t had to deal with the issues you are, but I can imagine how crushing that could be on a tender heart. This could bring you closer, if you let it, and I’m so glad that you’re being supportive of her even when it’s hard.
Boo, I suck – by the time work slowed enough and jazz that I finally am getting to blogs, this is already public! FRIEND FAIL!
I can’t say I know how you feel, but I get it. You adore her, you need her close, you know she may end up better loved and cared for by not leaving… but the idea of restraining her and not letting her find out things for herself isn’t your option and you’re smart enough to know that. Hopefully she reads this and really gets how much you love her and how much you are there should she never need to return.
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